Category: Relationships Lessons

Written by Chris Cotter

Some parents call it a treat when they promise a child dessert if she finishes her Brussels sprouts. Other parents call it a reward when they purchase a video game if a child does well on a test. Although harmless terminology may be used to describe the action, promises of desserts, toys, or favors are bribes. Many parents admit to caving in to their kids. They buy what previous generations simple demanded as appropriate behavior.

Parenting experts agree that rewards have a time and a place. But some parents have gone overboard. They pay their children to brush their teeth, go to sleep early, or even score a few goals at a soccer tournament! This may achieve results in the short term. But in the long term, children can become adults with an unreal viewpoint on how the world works. They think, "What are you going to give me?"

In part, it's the fault of the modern world. Past generations didn't have as many material goods to offer their kids. Parents are now busier than ever before, too, with both mom and dad juggling careers and parenting duties. Frazzled, overworked, and overtired, many parents admit that they don't want another power struggle. With each bribe, children demand more and more.

Of course, it's perfectly all right to reward children from time to time. The action should equal the reward, though. It should also be used sparingly. Parents should instead explain that it's rewarding enough to do the thing. For example, going to bed early will ensure that you feel well rested tomorrow. If that doesn't work, there's nothing wrong with saying, "Because I said so!"