Á¦¸ñ | The Power of Apologizing: Why Saying ¡°Sorry¡± Is So Important | ||
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ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ | À×±Û¸®½¬½Ü | µî·ÏÀÏ | 2016-12-20 |
¡°Sincere apologies are for those that make them, not for those to whom they are made.¡± ~Greg LeMond When I was growing up, every time I took my sister¡¯s toy or
called my brother names, my mother would grab me by the wrist and demanded that
I offer an apology. What¡¯s more, if the apology didn¡¯t sound meaningful enough
to her, I had to repeat it until my tone was genuine. An apology was the basic
reaction to any mistake. Now that I¡¯m older, I see apologizing as more than just a
household rule. My younger self didn¡¯t understand the complexities of human
pride and self-righteousness, but my older self does. Now, I see family members refusing to talk to each other for
years after an argument just because neither side wants to be the first to let
go of their pride and ¡°break down and apologize.¡± But who decided apologizing
was a sign of weakness? I think we¡¯ve reached a
day and age where showing emotional vulnerability can be viewed as a positive
rather than a negative quality. People are becoming more aware of ideas like empathy and
sensitivity, and everywhere we are being encouraged to talk about our feelings,
to seek help, and to connect with others. Gone are the days of keeping
everything bottled up inside to suffer alone. As we move forward in this time of self-knowledge and
self-discovery, it¡¯s vital to acquire the ability to recognize our own
mistakes. Nobody is
perfect, and we all will do something to hurt another person at some
point in our lives. The difference, however, lies acknowledging that we have
done something wrong. This was hard for me to grasp, because I was taught that an
apology should be an automatic response. It took me a long time to realize what it meant to say ¡°I¡¯m
sorry¡± from the heart. Apologizing just for the sake of apologizing is
meaningless. We cannot genuinely apologize if we can¡¯t admit to ourselves that
we made a mistake. This is where humility
comes in. Can we look at ourselves in the mirror and say that it was at least
partly our fault? Can we take that responsibility? Placing the
blame on someone else is
easy. Making excuses and skirting the subject is easy. Assuming the full weight
of blame on our own shoulders, however, is very hard. I learned this the hard way with a childhood friend of mine.
As we grew older, we started becoming more competitive in the things we did
together, and eventually the playful competition went a little too far. It became a game of silently trying to prove who was better,
and we ended up hurting each other over our pride. We refused to apologize or even address what was going on
because neither wanted to be the one to ¡°give in.¡± The tension kept growing, breaking apart our friendship. I
wish I could go back now, because if I had taken responsibility for the
mistakes I made, we probably could have resolved it easily and saved our
friendship. Instead, I let my pride take priority over my relationships
with the people around me. Learning to apologize is
the first and most important step in the healing process. Not only does it show
the recipient that you acknowledge their right to feel hurt, but it opens the
way to forgiveness. It seems so silly, really. I mean, it¡¯s only two tiny words.
How can something so small be so powerful? Well, there have been various scientific studies on the power
of apologizing, which have demonstrated that when the victim receives an
apology from his offender, he develops empathy toward that person, which later
develops more quickly into forgiveness. This is due to the fact that when we receive an apology, we
feel that our offender recognizes our pain and is willing to help us heal. Timing is an important aspect to keep in mind, as well,
because sometimes the other person might not be ready to accept your apology.
Sometimes we need to allow time to heal the wounds a little bit before we come
forward to say ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± An apology cannot undo
what has been done, but it can help ease the pain and tension of the aftermath.
It gives hope for rebuilding, and puts value on the relationship rather than
the individual¡¯s pride. Sometimes people don¡¯t even realize the hurt they are
creating around them by failing to take responsibility for their actions. Maybe
it¡¯s you, maybe it¡¯s someone you know, but everyone knows someone who has
suffered from this at some time. Now is the time to make a change. Often times those two simple words are worth more than a
lifetime of excuses and explanations. Choose the path of humility. Choose the path of healing.
Choose love above pride. Choose to apologize
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